Why Won’t She Ride With Me?
Dear Molly: Dear Molly: My wife and I enjoy golf with another couple, but it bothers me that she and the other woman always ride together. I guess I don’t enjoy riding with him as much as she enjoys riding with her. What can I do without upsetting the dynamic here?
It is SO romantic, so in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, that you prefer to share a cart with your wife than with her friend’s husband. And I say “her friend’s husband” rather than “your buddy” because that’s what your description of the arrangement sounds like: The ladies are friends, the gentlemen are their husbands.
Let’s call that Scenario 1. In that scenario, the ladies may be riding together so that their nonstop conversation does not distract their husbands, a kindness you probably ought to appreciate and accept.
Here’s Scenario 2: He is your friend and the two of you get to play together more often than you and your wife do, and more often than your wife and his wife do. Maybe you and your wife have small kids at home or busy jobs and these outings feel like special occasions that you would like to enjoy alongside her. In this case, why wouldn’t you just give your wife a snuggle before the round and tell her that you’d really like to share a cart with her today?
Another possibility, Scenario 3: Maybe the golf course has pace of play issues and your wife realizes that she and her friend are playing the forward tees and you and your friend are playing the member tees and it will help move things along if they are in the same cart and can zip up to their tees right after the gentlemen have hit. Maybe their games are even similar enough that their drives will be landing near each other – perhaps in the middle of the fairway while the two of you are exploring neighboring lands. If so, consider this a practical pairing and try to find enjoyment in the day knowing that you will sit next to her at the 19th hole, in the car driving home and at the dinner table later.
Mr. McMulligan and I have experienced all these scenarios, because at some time or another each one seems appropriate. So we don’t take them personally. In your case, a conversation is in order about why this happens with this couple and whether it makes sense or maybe you could mix it up sometimes.
As for love on the links, our most romantic and fun golf outings have involved just the two of us: I’m thinking of a rainy weekend when the weather cleared, sort of, on Sunday morning and we braved the puddles at Foothills for 18 holes when we had almost the whole place to ourselves.
Twosome golf, however, is all too rare in the game’s busy post-COVID era. The closest you might come is for the two of you to play with strangers now and then. How about a round on one of Colorado’s 200 or so publicly accessible courses that’s new to you both?
Do you have a question about golf etiquette, golf relationships or the culture of golf in Colorado? Email it to Molly McMulligan, the CGA’s on-the-course advisor on how to have more fun on the golf course, and follow @MollyMcMulligan on Instagram. Her creator, researcher and writer is golf journalist and CGA member Susan Fornoff.
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